Finally...

This is Steinmetz, and I'm back with a vengeance, which, incidentally, has nothing to do with the quality of this post, but rather with the fact that I'm now well into my second year of planning where to hit someone who stepped on my foot last month. That is not to be confused with the person I'm planning to hit on, who stepped out my door after failing at what I'm now planning to do a second time. But, none of this is funny. Why not? Boy, you ask tough questions. ... Yet, I'm actually the one who asked the question, but me being a card carrying, utterly diagnosed schizophrenic, what I've written in the last three or so sentences makes perfect sense. Anyway, I have some Star Wars parodies for y'all, so I hope you dig 'em... y'all. ... ... *sigh* ... And I hope you, Dig 'Em, will get off my **** cereal box so as to stop marketing it to me!!! ... ... ... So here's this Star Wars stuff...

Below are parody names for the various characters, all of which I swear I came up with on my own, so don't think I'm flattering you or anyone else, which I wouldn't do in any case, except if you did me first.

Luke Skywalker- Fruit Slytalker

Princess Leia Organa- Princess Lay-ya Organic

Han Solo- Hung SoLow

Chewbaca the wookie- Chewcaca the dookie

Darth Vader- Darth Valid

Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious- Emperor Ovaltine/Darth Credulous

Yoda- Yoduh

Obi Won Kenobi- Butt Cheek

The droids- I don't know

And now, a "Star Struggles" ( my title parody; don't laugh, please, unless it's really funny to you) glossary of terms...

The Forced: A spiritual energy that binds the universe, variously or otherwise known as "snack attack", "munchies", and diphtheria.

The Goth Side: An evil way to practice the Forced; what you say you died of if you are choked without something physical around/in your throat.

Jebi: A just order of just knights who are just absolutely just, and who just kill those who aren't just.

Cyst: An evil order of despots, each born with a single testicle, hence the mind of Hitler.

The Old Repugnant: The galactic government before the Empire took over, who's slogan "Milk does a body good", represented peace and virtue; the Empire changed this universal statement to "Got milk?" , thus robbing it of any moral implications.

The Empire: The government that took power after the extermination of the Jebi. Headed by Emperor Ovaltine, its various laws and decrees are a mixed bag; some ( "do not verbally abuse a deaf person" ) stress kindness and virtue, while others ( "One shall not die until he is killed by the Empire" ) are questionable.

The Rebel Defiance: What began as a simple, for-profit soup kitchen for oppressed people, the Rebellion turned into a battle against the Empire when its leader, Princess Lay-ya, realized the Imperials were killing more people than could be fed.

That's all I'm going to do for now. But aren't you glad I used the words "going to" instead of "gonna"? Gonna who? Imperial gunna, wif a red vizah!!!