More Star Wars parody stuff.

Character profiles : Fruit Slytalker

Age: Too young to die.

Weight: (Before having hand chopped off) 233 lbs. (After having hand chopped off) 16 lbs.

Prospects for an improved image of masculinity: Up 3% since being sexually undetermined in the womb.

Eyes: Starry or otherwise glazed, usually in that order.

Hair: Detestable.

Occupation: Jebi Knight; Inducer of nausea and/or pity.

Famous quotes: "Uncle Owned? Aunt Brute? Uncle Owned? Aunt Brute?"; "How do you know my father's a man? You don't even know what I am. I don't even know who I'm doing here; we're wasting your time!!"; "The Forced is strong in my family. I have it... My father has it... My sister has it... You have it... And since you are my sister, I've needlessly beaten around the bush, when I could have just as easily told you that you are my sister. Wait, no... I mean I could have just as easily told you that you can use the Forced. Wait, no... If I put those two together... ohmanohmanIhopeIcangetthisoutbeforeIrelapseintoanevenmoreprofoundstateofdementi-...!! ... ... ... Uuuhh... I will not fight you, father."

Character profiles: Chewcaca the dookie

Real name: Peter Mayhew, that versatile mime whose act is often accompanied by a groaning bear groaning.

Occupation: First mate of smuggler Hung SoLow, a union which, incidentally, greatly disappointed Hung, forcing him to severely beat Chewie; so severely, in fact, that forever after, Chewcaca's speech has exclusively been cries of pain from that initial beating.

Famous quotes: "Gr'nnng'ar" (Why do good things happen to bad dookies and bad things happen to good dookies?) ; Mrruauggghhng" (How could a loving god let an evil empire's space station kill so many people?) ; "Rrr'nngargh" (Which came first, the dookie or the unintelligible growl?) ; "Nnnn'ghhhghh" (Look, I'm asking some deep questions here, and all you guys can say is "Don't sweat it, Chewie" and "Relax, Chewie"?!)