Other other Star wars stuff...

First off, I have to explain that I was monkeying with the font stuff, so this post may unintentionally be in bold print. The truth is, I suspected the print was already bold when I first logged in and saw the words from my mind appearing in my blog composition box, so I then erased (deleted) those words, clicked on the bold font, and started typing again to see if things looked different or the same as before. And now I can't even remember to tell the difference. In short, I'm a hero with a flaw, and that's endearing. In other words, read this with an open mind and make there be a chance in your mind that it's worthwhile; bold type be ****ed. Anyway...


Before, I didn't have a substantial parody name for Obi Wan Kenobi. But, for the sake of this dialog you're about to read, I've come up with the name "Homely Nym Chimpsky", a nod to that real-life ape named Nym Chimpsky who is, by some (most?) standards, considered homely. Also, instead of being affectionately called "Old Ben", my character is called "Old Bum". Affectionately.

In Episode 5: The Empire Cuts Slack, Fruit is trying to convince Yoduh that he can become a Jebi Knight...

Yoduh: Shut up for even five seconds he can't!

Fruit: I can shut up for five seconds! Bum, tell him I can shut up for five seconds! Tell him how I was singing to myself only HALF the time you were coercing me into using the Forced instead of my computer to blow up the Debt Star! Tell him about the time I was clubbed by a sandperson and shortened my calls for help to three hours instead of five! Tell him how I let you get halfway through your yarn about my father getting killed by Dick Fuhrer, or whatever the **** his name is, before I had interrupted thrice! Tell him ho-


Bum's voice: SHUT-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fruit: ...

Bum's voice: ... one ... two ...

Fruit: ...

Bum's voice: ... four ... five.

Fruit: ...

Bum's voice: You see, master Yoduh? He can learn.


In Episode Five, Darth Valid communicates with the holographic image of Emperor Ovaltine (this is based on the Clive Revill version) ...

Valid: What, art thou kidding, my master?

Ovaltine: No. There is a deep depression on my inner-left thigh.

Valid: I...

Ovaltine: In my groin area.

Valid: I have felt it.

Ovaltine: We have a new enemy - Fruit Slytalker. He could destroy us.

Valid: He is just a girl. Homely Nym can no longer help him.

Ovaltine: The son of Slytalker...

Darth Valid bursts out in tears.

Ovaltine: Take it easy. Your name's Darth Valid now, and you don't even have the same gonads that produced him in the first place. Technically, he is NOT your son.

Valid: Th-thank you ... *sob* ... my master! You are very kind.

Ovaltine: Now... about "him"...

Valid: Yes, well, I was thinking... Maybe he's not as wretched as we think. I mean...

A satisfied smile appears on the Emperor's face.

Ovaltine: Ah, yes! Having something of his may be a great asset. You know, to get better acquainted with him.

His smile slightly broadens.

Ovaltine: Can it be dung?

Valid: He will give us a stool sample or die, my master!

In Episode 6, Ovaltine arrives on the new Debt Star in his shuttle. Upon descending the shuttle ramp, he greets his servant, Darth Valid...

Ovaltine: Close your fly, my friend.

Startled, Valid quickly gets up from his kneeling position, fumbling to close his zipper. After several failed attempts, he zips up his space pants and joins the Emperor at his side.

Valid: The Debt Star will be completed on schedule.

Ovaltine: You've done swell, Lord Valid! And now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Slytalker.

Valid: Yes, my master.

Ovaltine: Patience, my friend. In time, he will freak you out. And when he does, you must bring him before me. He has grown a mustache; only together can we convince him to shave the **** thing off.

Valid: As you wish.

The Emperor grins.

Ovaltine: Everything is preempting our time to foreplay. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...!!